My own Bucket List

I've returned! My trip was incredible, and considering it will be my last in a good long while, it was everything it should have been and more. I'm proud to say I accomplished one of my life dreams on Sunday night - #17.

Believe me, I am the type to resist the cheesiness of something like "the happiest place on earth," and of course I've heard every disgusting story about Walt Disney (including a particularly disturbing one concerning lemmings), but when you're there on Main Street USA, and you see the characters waving at everyone and there's a man with mouse balloons walking around you just give in to it all.

A morning in Disneyland, it was enough to rejuvenate (or maybe distract) from any hardships and worries I'd been experiencing days before. I mean, this was the place where they broadcast Christmas parades and where they filmed Sing-a-longs that I watched as a kid. It's also the place whose advertisements I used to get really sad over. I'd be 10, 12 years old and I'd see a Disneyland commercial and there would be that child on tv who gets to go with their parents and watch the fireworks and meet Mickey and everything, and I never thought I'd be able to do that. I'd only ever been once before when I was about 4 years old, so I couldn't even go let alone remember any of the cool rides. I remember having to sit and watch the intro video to the Indiana Jones ride while my brother went on once with mom and then another time with dad. It blew chunks.

Anyways, the fact that I was there with all my friends during senior year just meant the world to me. I'd taken the entirety of Sunday to walking around between there and the Paradise Piver in California Adventure (where they have the best tasting waffle fries EVER), and my legs were just about ready to buckle 1 minute into the fireworks. So I sat on a bench and looked up at the exploding stars and circles in the shape of a face and two very large ears, and on the speakers they started quoting movies and every quote started with "I wish..." It was amazing I'd never noticed how much they say that in Disney movies, but there were like 10 of them. It was literally wonderful.

Because of that night, I feel it'd be wrong to rule anything out ever again. Watching those commercials as a child I thought I'd NEVER see those shows but there I was a few days ago, in the moment. I encourage you to create a bucket list of your own, writing down the fantasies you have no matter how much you think they'll never come true. You might just find yourself standing in the middle of one of them one day.

(please not that these are by no means in order or desire)

#1 - become an ultrasound technician so I can show someone their baby's heartbeat
#2 - be a Power Ranger for Halloween
#3 - spend a year as a vegetarian when I am 24
#4 - receive a postcard from somewhere that's not North America
#5 - send a handwritten letter
#6 - have a pet dog and a pet genuie pig
#7 - take a picture of my foot on the Walk of Fame
#8 - wear a sari and get a monroe piercing
#9 - record an improvised jam session
#10 - make out in a library
#11 - have a Disney movie marathon, complete with the Aristocats
#12 - be able to quote/identify famous poets and authors, specifically Thoreau
#13 - enter an open mic night
#14 - attend a poetry slam and drink an exotic tea on a mildly smelly couch
#15 -sing on a cruise ship
#16 - watch the sun rise from a cliff barefoot
#17- watch the Disneyland fireworks from Main Street USA

there's probably more.

I am a Sedimentary Rock

You'll have to excuse my love of Geography on this one.

I'm going on a trip to the states soon. It's with school, so lots of people will be there. Last week, we were signing up for buses and of course, one group of friends decided to go on bus #2, and another group of friends decided to go on bus #3. You wouldn't think it would be so difficult to choose a damn bus, it's only a 4 hour ride, but I got really emotional over it. I thought my decision would dictate how the entire trip went: me choosing between friends and always missing out on one thing or another. Sometimes I wish I had just one set of close friends who I can default to, but that's not me. It's never been me. I can't even spend a lunch hour in the same room for more than 10 minutes. I have to make my rounds.

I've always prided myself on being well-rounded, but sometimes that makes me more vulnerable to getting hurt, or rather, hurting myself. My personality is made up of little bits and pieces of my friends and people I admire, and when I meet someone, I always like to find something we have in common. It just makes the transition from strangers to acquaintances a little more interesting, you know? Mind you, when it comes time to being myself, I have no idea what that means. I feel like I have to be different around different people because of social circumstances, and that confuses me a lot when those different groups of people are all together. The sad thing is, that when I graduate at the end of this year, I'm going to miss having this problem.

So as for the trip, I suppose I'll just have the best time I can with whoever I'm with, and I'll hear everyone else's inside jokes later back at the hotel. I can't say it's not going to make me sad, but what else can I do?

PS
-I never liked ven diagrams.

Return To Sender

For the past 6-ish months, I used to comment on a Facebook thread every week with something called "Philosophy Friday." I used to do my best to give some healthy advice to my friends and they took to it pretty well. It used to be things like, "don't be afraid to talk to someone you normally wouldn't, they might pay you a compliment that makes your day" or "speak up for someone else's sake" and small anecdotes like that. They usually had something to do with my own experiences. Unfortunately, a couple weeks ago, I noticed that no succeeding commentary was made after my post, and it made me a little bit sad.

I waited a couple days, and the posts consisted of things like "damn, I have to get up early" or "I'm craving meatloaf." That was the point when I realised hey, it just stopped being worth it. It felt a bit like rejection.

There's a reason why I started blogging instead. One was so that other people, even if I didn't know them, could follow it, and two, was that I could say what I wanted and no one would feel obligated to respond. They just did it because they were interested. Lately I've been a little worried that the things I say have no meaning or at least they lack signifigance to my audience, which makes this whole thing a little ponitless. But after a few friends asked me why I haven't been around, I realised: I don't have to feel obligated to impress anyone either.

Like my header says: I am every day people. This blog is more like a journal than anything, so I'm going to write freely, but consciously. I'll share my thoughts with you if you're up for some reading. You might just catch yourself thinking about me and my words one day.

By the way, if you ever have something to say. Put it somewhere. Write it, scribble it, post-it, SOMEwhere. I have an entire word document full of things I think, but don't tell anyone, and sometimes it kind of fun to read through.

PS - I know I changed my header. I actually didn't notice it was missing a word until today.
PPS - I'm sorry for my "hiatus," but I was a bit scared to put my stuff out there again. Come back soon!