3 and 6 will happen before I'm 30

No matter how irrational a hope is, I think each one of us should hold onto something that's maybe not so realistic.

I have been told that I am childish because of my hopes, and sometimes I want to tell people that I am only seventeen, not already seventeen. (Even though I'm almost eighteen).

I hope I can be stubborn enough to fight for myself.

***

HOPE turned into a negative word, and should not be used to antagonize people who give.

***

Some of my hopes are valid, like the one about becoming someone I'm proud of in 10 years, or any number divisble by 3 on my bucket list.

But my irrational hope is that I could go my entire life without consuming alcohol. What's yours?

"Honest to Blog"

Short one today. No picture either.

I put makeup on before work today because my eyes were puffy from last night. Spent about 20 minutes with it on and scrubbed it off. Felt better.

Must you yell? All I did was huff a bit and you puffed me right into oblivion. Damnit, that's like the 2,102,094th second chance I've given you.

I should probably stop thinking about her and focus on you. You make me happy, not something I'm used to. You say I make you happy, also not something I'm used to. Usually we just say "opposites attract," but that doesn't make me feel better about being different. Especially when you're the same as everyone else - it's just me.

I like to tell people "the good thing about me is, that I'll drop whatever's bothering me if a friend is bothered." I stand by that, and if I'm wrong it's one of the few things I'm sorry for.

It's funny how cliche life can be. People say they hate this and that, but when this and that are gone, they'd rather it be here than there.

What if I don't go back to school?

What if I don't come home after work tomorrow?

What if people always remember me as the mispelled version of my name in the yearbook?

I'm a Sucker, Shoot Me.

Maybe I LIKE the movie "27 Dresses," but I'll have you know that it is mostly because the night I went to see it, "Benny and the Jets" came on in the car, only to be heard later again in the movie. Hella perfect.

I LIKE CHICK FLICKS. Once, a guy said to me that he didn't like using that term, which I completely respect, but you know what? I've already accepted that I'm a part of their key demographic so I'm allowed to say things. For all the guys who read my blog, I apologize if I'm not being very relatable, but this has been on my mind for a while now.

What I don't understand is why every movie I see has to include some form of infidelity or a reason to make me hate sexy women and greedy men. I'm sure those women are very nice in real life, but I cannot help but inflame with discomfort (to put it nicely) when Silver Spectre or Scarlett Johansson (do not even get me STARTED on the guy I knew who worshiped Megan Fox), do something on the screen for all the guys out there in the audience. THERE ARE GIRLS THERE TOO, and we like to think we're okay looking without having blue eyes. Brown eyes can be sexy too, ya know.

So can uneven tan lines, good-smelling frizzy hair, and skin that's soft but not soaked with sweat or pool water.

I'll fully admit to half of it being my irrationality, but I'd really like it if movie night didnt require me leaving with all this doubt of myself and questions for my boyfriend. He's a good guy, I shouldn't feel the need to cover his eyes because there really shouldn't be a crotch shot in an action movie. People make fun of me all the time for being a jealous little bugger, but I'm 5 feet and 130 pounds, give me a break! I was the girl who swore she would never show her stomach when she was 10 years old. I was the girl who was told when talking to a guy friend that she was "a dress, not a skirt." I'm also the girl who hopes her confidence never makes someone else feel like they suck.

To me, that's the definition of a bitch.

Girly movies. *Cave. Romantic comedies. *Double cave. I'll watch 9, how about that? I think what I really want is to be allowed to watch "My Sister's Keeper" and "Paper Heart" and not be made fun of by my friend's father when we rent things like that.

I'd also like to point out for kicks that I don't like Juno.

Good God, this blog went all over the place. I'd like to point out that right now I'm just looking to talk, talk, talk. There's not much else to do on a night in when you don't have a pet.